Hello All.  This is Shawn posting.  I am saddened to communicate that Bridgette passed on to be in the arms of Jesus the evening of Monday, December 28, 2020.  There is an ongoing Zoom Rosary Novena.  Details are: 

Topic: Rosary Novena for the Grady Family December 28 to January 5

Time: 8:15 pm

Join Zoom Meeting 

https://us04web.zoom.us/j/78418512089?pwd=cmxwUG9rK0g1THJ3N1BMR05wV0NCUT09 

Meeting ID: 784 1851 2089 

Passcode: MERCY 

We are planning on waiting until the summer (post COVID?!?), to have a Memorial Service so that all that want to attend are able.  Also, the Boys and I have been completely blessed with unbelievable support throughout.  Thank you all so Much!  

Jesus I STILL Trust in You!  

Covid Free

 Last minute report is that my latest Covid test came back NEGATIVE!! All Christmas plans are back on. Thank you for any prayers, they’re working!

Jesus, We trust in you (we for Shawn)

Out of hospital!

 I was released from the hospital last last night - paise God! - and at this point, Shawn, Doris and Samantha have tested negative for Covid so I am off to have a retest at the closest covid testing place now. I will try to repost soon with any extra info. 

Thank you for your prayers.

Obstruction

 Five days with no updates...so I am listing again to keep you up to date. 

-the procedure Dr A ended up doing was completely different than what had been planned. It did help alleviate some of my pain, but it turns out the hip area we were hoping he’d treat was too large for one type of procedure and will need to be treated Monday. 

- my biggest fear going into Dr A was all of the questions around how he would evaluate the drain and how he’d know whether it’s safe to remove or not. Dr A actually agreed and is setting up a consult with a surgeon to help evaluate how we can get it out. The drain is not out but there is light at the end of the tunnel. 

- Friday, I had a blood transfusion and it was supposed to “help immensely” but didn’t seem to do all of that much. My niece arrived to help and keep us company, which was great. 

- over the weekend, we were told to focus on getting my “system regular” which is the story of my life at this point. I was taking numerous laxatives and drinking as much water as my body would stand and eating like crazy. By Sat (last) night around 10pm, I had still not gone, my stomach was bloated and we had spoken to the on-call Envita doctor twice. In the end, he told us to go to the hospital so that I could be evaluated. By 1am, a chest extra, an abdominal CT scan and a number of blood tests later, it turns out I have: an abdominal blockage probably caused by cancer in my GI tract (not sure about size) and COVID. 

So, I have been admitted to the covid ward of the hospital and I’m waiting to see a specialist and my Envita doc (I hope). The best news is they would rather have covid patients go home to recover, so I’m not trapped in here like I thought at first if my vitals stay up. Shawn is sure there is other good news. 

I am not afraid because I am in the shadow of Him Who loves me. Cancer is not great. But I am not alone. 

Jesus, still trusting in You. 

Better Days Ahead!

 This will be a speedy post to ask for prayers and love and to hear the news that things are going well. We just found out that I will be meeting with Dr.Agah tomorrow and that he will actually be performing the procedures we've been waiting for. 

To give a general impression of what's been going on: I have been getting a lot of answers from my doctors to the myriad of questions I have (I think Shawn and I have all of these questions). First, what have the doctors been doing while I wait for the procedures I have scheduled? Mostly, a lot of infusions (ie: daily IV's through my port). These infusions are filled with nutrients and compounds to fight the fact that my body was starving to death. These nutrients are vital to keeping me alive and I was not able to naturally get them because my body would not eat or would vomit or just avoid any appetite. These IV's have made it possible that I arrived in Arizona at 109lbs and now I am 120lbs (I am weighed every morning).

The hardest part is that there are numerous things my system needs to heal at this point. I still have the cancer that was there at my last scan, but now my body is getting strong enough to fight it again. This is why I am too tired to talk or reach out to people. I am sometimes gettig 6 hours of treatment a day and it's a little war going on inside my 120lb frame (yeah, that was more to write the weight out. Let's be honest). 

Shawn and the people who come to take care of me have the single task to make me eat and to increase my appetite. And it all has to follow certain dietary rules which I will detail in a later post. 

The first procedure I ever had at Envita was a specialized set of testing (blood) that can show what chemotherapy agents or supplements will help my body fight the cancers. This test has been specialized at Envita over 20 years. There is A LOT of debate over how well these specialized tests work and help. I can only say that Shawn and I have chosen to go with these tests to help me. We pray a lot. There is a lot of debate around whether or not this is a good form of decision-making. We've decided to go where our hearts lead (not our feelings, but the little tiny ship that leads our actions from a very deep place inside of us). Neither of us always appreciated following God (or even did it very well) but we truly believe that this is where He is leading us now, so we follow. 

These tests have been leading my doctors to which procedures and IV's I am undertaking. Tomorrow, it will be "cooled radiofrequency (RF) ablation technology. It offers simultaneous, dual-probe radio frequency for treating painful bone tumors". The hope is that this in-patient procedure will allow Dr A to "destroy" the tumor in my hip and therefore, to remove the terrible pain it causes. We will not be certain until tomorrow, but there could be other tumors he might try to attack as well. Recovery time is generally easy and quick and there are not known to be painful side-effects - so no news tomorrow is good news!! 

The procedure closest to my heart tomorrow is connected to what has brought me peace working with Evita. I'm not sure how many people know that I have had a drain in my right side since March/April. The drain was originally placed in case my GI tract was leaking bile into my abdomen - or vice versa. The drain was surgically placed so it would not be easy to remove. I have had this drain checked over the period of the last 8 months through scans and injections and everytime my Denver GI doc decided to leave it in. Lifestyle-wise, the drain does not allow me to shower or swim or go in a hot tub (no submerging). I was striving for a long while to trust in my doctor and that leaving the drain was the best decision for my health. Side-note that nothing has come out of the drain for at least 5 months at this point. 

After my last PET scan, my GI doc said he'd decided to leave the drain. He didn't say how long and he didn't say why. It was, for me, a very hopeless feeling because I knew it meant he had decided to leave it "until I die." It might sound like I was just in a bad place, but conversations were definitely beginning to take that tone. It was as if there was too much cancer, so the drain was negligible. 

When I arrived at Envita, the first place my lead nurse checked was the drain. She asked all about it, took samples and found a bacterial infection and was in shock that no one had been moniriting my drain in all the months that I had it (my oncologist simply never looked at it). My doctor here put me on antibiotics and it's being removed tomorrow. I am being treated like a patient again and they are trying to help make me better. It's small - but it was a very important thing for me. 

I had prayed that I would swim with my family before I die. I am not focusing on the dying, but I am excited to swim at least once.

A long post - but a post asking for prayer tomorrow. I'll give an update before Friday and include a few BALD pictures as I finally jumped in and let my hair go. 

I am rejoicing to have a woman here with me (my sis-in-law Doris) because we have been doing all the lotion/body butter/chit chat tihngs that were not Shawn's favorite. He has been home loving up our boys. I miss them, and they all seem so happy loving it up together. 

Please forgive my editing, but I can't fix anything at this moment. 

Jesus, I trust in You. I trust in the Hand of God that loves and moves for us. 

Sometimes, the view from my treatment room at 5:30pm at night.

4 Rough Days...because more poop (ugh) * bad editing alert*

 These last few days have been rough in some strange ways. But I have realized a lot of good things and mainly confirmed that I do not want to live in Arizona. This feeling is based on the fact that  weather is pretty dull (warm and sunny) and all of the buildings look exactly the same.  I miss Colorado. I'm so sad it's snowing and I'm not there. I live-stream KDVR every morning only to watch the world's silliest newscast. I clearly belong in Colorado (in this life). 

I want to give a quick update of what Shawn and I have been up to this week. The days are much more busy than I can explain. I spend hours at the Envita clinic or at scans and x-rays and then I fall asleep dead tired. Of course, the emotions make everything a bit more intense. But, This week, God swept in and a lot was accomplished in a short amount of time.

I don't think it's news that I've been struggling with hip pain that we've been hoping to get rid of ASAP. Envita has a specialist that the office has been badgering to get an appointment for me. The doctor is a GI specialist who works with but not for Envita. He (Dr. Aga) is an interventional radiologist so many of my first needs will be covered by working with him. 

Before I could work with Dr. A, Envita needed to handle or alleviate the excruciating pain in my left hip (but there ar a few other places as well). Envita did a wonderful job of quickly getting me in with the pain specialists who put me on a routine of extended-release morphine along with oxycodone as needed. The first night or so, I felt much better.

 You might not know this...at least I didn't...that opioids make the taker VERY constipated - like immediately. Suddenly, I had terrible bowel pain (yep, back to the colon). I threw up and was really concerned. Shawn and I both were scared because the symptoms seemed so close to what had happened in the spring - before my blockages and surgery and covid. And we're in Arizona where we don't know anyone or hospitals and the thought of surgery brought me (not that I leave much) to my knees.

We began reaching out to everyone at Envita - explaining, asking a million questions. I have a "main nurse" named Alyssa. She is bright and committed and was all over the clinic asking for answers. Envita has this natural laxative-like (no stimulants) that Alyssa highly recommended as did my doctor. Honestly, I wanted to start downing miralax and be done with it. I mean, I'm a mom, I have battled constipation many times and no poop has gotten me yet.

But Alyssa and Dr P were adamant that taking stimulants on top of the opioids would only continue the problem. "You want to get back to normal and this medicine will allow that." Best part of this story is that the medicine's official name is POOP DOC. We had a very serious conversation using the term Poop Doc about 20-40 times. I almost wished someone would bring up my rectum again. 

OK, I'm getting tired and this is getting dull 😉 It turns out my bowel pain was caused by my ignoring my body and not "going" when I needed to. I found this out in the best way possible -last night,  the only people left in the clinic at 5:30pm were myself and the nurses. I was so tired, I just wanted to be done so I ignored the I felt a little sick to my stomach (also similar to potty pain). A sweet nurse came in and asked "how I was feeling." I said I was fine and proceeded to throw up all over myself, the infusion chair, the PEMF mat (I'll explain that later) and the floor. THREE TIMES.

Alyssa came running, my doctor (Dr. P) came running, my patient advocate came running. Shawn drove over quickly. By 6:15, things were being seriously sorted out. I have appointments up the wazoo. God sweptt in and is taking care of everything. 

These people want to keep me alive. They are treating me like a real patient and not someone "on her way out." I can feel it and I would write more, but I'm still exhausted from my two morning x-rays and my afternoon infusions. I will write this weekend. 

I miss my family and everyone in Colorado so much. 

Happy Feast of Our Lady Of Guadalupe tomorrow 

Jesus, I trust in You

What My First Appointment was like...

     I have been chatting with a number of people lately and quickly realized I never posted about what the first treatment appointment at Envita was like. Some of the details are a bit fuzzy because Shawn couldn't sit with me (Covid) and ask his list of questions that would help keep everything straight. 

    Well, I am not sure what the next appointment might bring, but I can quickly run through what happened on this last, long Friday. 

    First, I waited in the waiting room (pictures on yesterday's page) until the nurse who takes my vitals came to get me. We went back into the treatment section of clinic and M--- took my blood pressure, weight and oxygen levels. At the beginning of this appointment, I also met Alyssa, who will be my main Nurse throughout my treatment. Alyssa seems very knowledgeable and was able to help manage the incredible amount of pain I had in my left hip. Quite honestly, I cried openly to her about the fact that I cannot sit at a 90 degree angle for any amount of time without shooting pain. My left hip is now constantly in pain, but Alyssa spoke with the pain management doctor they have on staff and they found some medicine to help. 

    After intros, I was assigned to a room and a seat for the day. These change daily, so who knows where I'll be tomorrow! After getting situated with my bag and charges and lunch bags, Alyssa brought in my list of treatments for the day. I forgot to get a list of all that I had done on Friday, but it was at least six different treatments. 

    "Treatments" tend to be different things injected into my port (it looks exactly like chemo and sometimes will be different chemo agents). Friday, there were a number of different immunotherapies which are formulated to strengthen my immune system while helping to fight the cancer. I will also have different nutrients and vitamins/minerals as well as fluids (normal IV Saline) on different days. Everything is especially formulated for my system and based on my personal blood work in the Envita lab. It's interesting and if I had less pain, I would definitely spend more time researching and writing about it all. 

    It was good to be surrounded by other patients and to ask about their experiences here. There were people being treated for numerous types of cancer as well as Lyme disease. Everyone I have spoken with so far has had great experience of Envita and the doctors and nurses. Listening to people getting ready to go home in the next few weeks gives me so much hope. 

    Friday night, we were so blessed to have a friend from Southern California who was here visiting his Mom come to visit us! He actually had spent some of the afternoon and evening with Shawn. What a blessing from God that He would have a friend here for my social, easily bored and then worried husband! And then I was able to see him for a small time as well. 

    The day and info had gotten me pretty tired and hungry. I was shocked to nearly finish an entire family helping of Pad Thai by myself for dinner. And then I crashed asleep. 

    I slept most of Saturday, but I should have pushed myself a bit more just to get up and move. Today, we've spent more time talking with family and figuring out the next few weeks until Christmas. We're still praying that I get in with the doctor Envita has referred me to who might be able to help with my really difficult pain.     

    Tomorrow, I have a much shorter appointment and we'll see what that brings. Thank you for your prayers, for your love and for offers of help and kindness. Please pray for the normal daily lives of my family which is difficult for all of us right now. I know you don't need to have Cancer to be suffering right now. God loves you. He values you. You are going to make it through. 

Jesus, I Trust in You.

Our friend, Steve! Aka - the person who took all the earlier Montana pics. Missed his wife the entire time!!

Have A Holly Jolly Christmas!!

 Not sure if anyone but me has noticed all of the claymation movies making a resurgence on TV this Christmas.

There have been a lot. I know you needed to hear that!!

I have to take a minute and say that the Oxycodone is taking its toll out of me mentally. Seriously, SAY NO TO DRUGS, KIDS!! I also saw in the news that a teenager overdosed on what she thought was Oxy but her supplier spiked it with something else. It freaked me out.

 The effects on my mind  make it so Shawn has to edit all of my medical info. Also, I just asked him where "The guy from Virginia went." It freaked both of us out.

Now, a quick update of what is going on with my treatment:

Officially, Envita has not started treating me yet. I go through the "new patient" orientation (for lack of a better word) tomorrow at 10am. We were told that it takes about 5 hours. I will also have some treatments during this time.

Yesterday, I had a giant panel of labs done. This included the nurses drawing about 35 vials of blood. A few vials came from an IV they placed and the rest came from my port (which I still have). Obviously, this had a rough effect on my day and night. I'm still working at getting everything rested and out of pain.

The VERY good news is how much I'm eating. I gained 6 lbs as of yesterday. It was pretty exciting.

The general plan looking forward is that I will be here for the next 2 full weeks (until the weekend of 12/18). We are waiting for Envita to schedule a procedure that could signficantly help the pain in my left side. If I weren't in so much pain, I might not push through the scheduling hassles to work it out. But we are praying for a "pain free Christmas with my boys." This might be one of their top prayers - "to have Mommy back." Or, at least able to get around and things. 

That pain procedure is called both osteocool and radio frequency oblation. Sorry that you might have to look those up on your own. I'll explain more when Im about to go through it.

Along  with the pain procedure, I'll have a number of  IV infusions of many of the repurposed drugs I was already taking. They should be quick and the prodedures easy, but I have to do them everyday! I'll try to get some pictures because the rooms are loud and nobody seems to care if you use your phone - they are, of course, obsessed with Covid so Shawn can't come in and talk. That made me sad yesterday.

I think I've gotten the pictures to upload, so I'll try here!

The front waiting room. It's pretty busy and there doesn't seem to be a lot of room to hang out or quiet places to chat.

Me waiting in the waiting room

Shawn also in the waiting room but this is more an excuse to take "info" pictures 

Still hoping and trusting! Trying to kick the pain!! 

Jesus, I trust in You.

My First Arizona Post

 Hi, Everyone!! Shawn and I flew down to Arizona this afternoon, and then checked into our accommodations; then had to find food and groceries and tell the persons resposible for my children that "all is well." 
It's 8:30pm already, and I am SPENT...but I am conscious of the fact that I said I'd blog much more frequently, so I thought I'd make a list of what I am offering from this blog as a starting point to my "FIRST DAY IN ARIZONA." 

• 1st - I will be trying to write every other day but do not know how the treatments will effect me and I will most likely miss more days than I'd want. 

• 2nd - I am trying to figure out how to post pics using this terrible wifi. Praise God it's so warm, I'll have to find a hip, outdoor coffee place ASAP.

• 3rd - I know my writing is a bit different now (you should see my handwriting!). I went through a period of great hopelessness and I feel like my tone reflects this. I would love to find "that wacky writer" again too (and with God's help, I will) 

• 4th - I'm going to post very little about our kids. They are well taken care of and I want them to stay safe while I'm not there. It was gut-wrenching to leave them for even a day. Gut wrenching.

• 5th - Please do not make plans to come to Denver if you'd like to see me personally. If I am accepted for treatment tomorrow, there is a good chance that I won't be home for 4 months or more. I will post this happy detail tomorrow. My boys WILL see me. I would worry, so I post that  😉 

• 6th - I had a very full day today (for ME). It is even really hard to type info right now. I could definitely not share this news a number of times a day. I love you. I'd love to be sitting in a room and laughing and remembering with you/or getting to know you authentically...but I will not be communicating too much except for giving info through this blog. Please don't be hurt or offended. ALL of my energy needs to go into my loving my family and staying alive.

More in a few days (or maybe tomorrow).

Jesus, I trust in You

"Uphill Battle"

 Happy Day After Thanksgiving!! 

We had a nice Thanksgiving with my brother's family, my sister-in-law's sister's family (they live here in Colorado) and my parents (who live down the street). 

It was pretty loud and crazy with NINE kids, so I didn't make it out too long. Shawn and everyone else did a great job of decorating for the evening. We think the boys watched their third Home Alone and they played about 5 hours of hide-and-go-seek. Naturally occurring social distancing.

In my last post, I mentioned that Shawn and I had been researching more alternative cancer therapies. It  is a long story and took a few weeks as we plowed through various doctors, cancer centers and locations. A quick amount of background...There are a number of places that offer a blend of alternative and standard chemotherapies. The most famous of these places are in Germany (where Farrah Fawcet got treatment). There are also some less famous (but successful) centers in Mexico. Only three (we think it's 3) states in the US allow these treatments - Nevada and Arizona were the 2 states where we focused our search since they are relatively close or convenient for us. I do want to mention that most of the work at these centers is not covered by insurance, which makes them pretty expensive. 

After Zoom interviews and some pretty crazy Divine Intervention, We decided to go with a cancer center in Scottsdale, Arizona: Envita 

One of the largest "signs" we received is that my best friend's sister (Sr Meg, a SOLT sister) had heard of the clinic because her best friend (Fr Mark, a SOLT Priest) is friends with one of the clinic's head oncologist/research doctors. Fr. Mark called this doctor and the doctor called us (we had already sent my paperwork) to review my case. 

The doctor said, "You definitely have an uphill battle,  but if we get right on your case, I think we can help." It was both discouraging (but we were starting to get that feeling ourselves) and hopeful. I brought up that "God will do what He wants" and the Doctor immediately said that "I find that people who can trust in God do better and even totally heal." Well, as readers from the beginning will know, the theme of this blog is basically "Jesus I trust in you." Even if I don't always totally feel it, I will push forward and believe.

Practically speaking, what does this all mean? For now, it means that Shawn and I will be flying down to Scottsdale on Nov 30 (yes, on Monday) and we will meet with the doctors on Dec 1. The next day, I will have a number of blood draws and some big testing. I will begin some immunotherapy treatments the next day. It also means I will be updating the blog nearly everyday so that people here in Denver as well as family and friends far away will know what is happening. My sister-in-law will spend the week here with our boys (see picture above). I am so grateful for her (and my brother). 

After this first week, we're not sure what will happen. Our patient advocate said not to make long term plans but they do offer daily care and I will live in Scottsdale for as long as treatment takes. I will keep you updated. 

Again, I hope you had a great Thanksgiving. While I am most thankful for my family (especially Shawn) I'm also thankful that it looks like there is a covid vaccine coming in quickly and I just can't wait for this stupid pandemic to be over.

Talk soon

Jesus, I trust in you.

A pretty boring update :)

 I have been getting a good number of texts and messages from so many wonderful people. That pretty much lets me know that a month is too long for an update on my cancer journey. (FYI, the phrase "cancer journey' strikes me as corny and vastly off-base for what it is...but ce la vie).

So, what is the update? 

Thank God it's pretty boring - or at least generally uneventful. 

First, I am currently on round 8 of the second line of my chemotherapy. I have had one scan and the next is planned for after the holidays. We might schedule it earlier, but I think my oncologist doesn't expect dramatically new results. She says it looks like the cancer is "holding steady" at this point- not better - not worse. I'm just happy to see 2021 in relatively good health. 

So, not a lot is new here. Shawn and I are looking into more alternative therapies to use along with the repurposed drugs I continue to take. I have dialed back on these drugs a bit so I will most likely be ramping up the repurposed drugs as well as looking into "new" things. 

Cancer is a complicated, expensive thing. 

As always, I am relying on prayers...the amazing, uncountable amount of prayers that have been promised. We cry every time someone says, "we're praying." Along with being an embarrassment (poop and conversation-wise), this cancer has been incredibly humbling as we learn to rely on others. 

We have been blessed by my brother and his family who are using their remote learning and work to come and live near us for the month of November. 

I think my next post will be all pictures. I need to take more as I can't find any new pictures to post. 

The kids are all well and all three are still in face-to-face school. It's looking like this might change, but it's been nice for them to have activity during the day.

We are still not sure what we'll be doing for Thanksgiving. 

We definitely don't know what the future holds. We are still trusting in Jesus and Mary and the prayers of friends and family. 

Even as it's boring, I will try to post more for faraway friends. 

Stay safe. 

God is Good

 God is Good. 

I am not going to apologize for the long gaps between posts, even though it's honestly just avoidance on my part. 

Obviously, a lot has been happening with my finishing radiation, restarting chemo and having a Pet scan (last Wednesday). I've also had a lot of visitors which has been exciting and fun. 

But, where do I stand with the cancer? It was a "mixed result" scan. Some places showed the cancer slowing/going but there were some new places where cancer had grown. It was a strange few days as we tried to navigate what that means. Generally, we all think the chemo is working and I will continue on this chemo for at least 4 more treatments (and then a scan). I am generally tired but trying to stay active and eat as much as possible every day. Your prayers and thoughts are very much appreciated. 

With all this being said, it's a little vague where I am. I have seen all my doctors and they are cautiously hopeful. 

I am OK. I am not afraid or freaking out. I'm just working at being alive everyday. But I believe I was made for a life after this...and I believe God is good. 

So we keep trucking. 

And family keeps visiting. We love it!! 

last-minute update

     It's been a while and we've been busy. I finished another 10 rounds of radiation (but on my right leg) on Monday. Simple radiation facts: you have to have it on consecutive days, It only takes around 5 minutes a session, the radiation machine itself is very high-tech and streamlined, for some reason that no one can explain (because it happens to no one apparently) radiation makes me not want to either eat or drink for the final week of treatment - side effects are cumulative - and I am slowly climbing out of a scary fight with severe dehydration. 

    Tomorrow morning, I have another round of chemo. I'm a little nervous about how all of the side effects are going to bash into each other in my system.

I also am craving prayers that I can make it to our youngest son's Confirmation on Saturday. It will be the  final Sacrament for the kids (that we are responsible for). 

Otherwise, things are going well. The boys are back in school face-to-face, five days a week. I have no opinion on masks or anything since I'm pretty much stuck in the house. I did read a few books, which made me feel accomplished. 

Getting a little tired. 

Thanks for prayers and love tomorrow. 

Our besties came back to visit over Labor Day. It was glorious! 

The Dads took the boys to Red Rocks

A fuzzy picture with my fuzzy hair

Jesus, I trust in You

"Fear is a liar"

This week has been crazy and a little bit scary based on the news that Chadwick Boseman (the actor who portrayed the Black Panther) died after a secret 4 year battle with colon cancer. For some reason, it made the reality of the fight more tangible for (especially) my boys who loved his character. 

But everything is fine for me right now. I am in the middle of ten rounds of radiation on my right leg and it seems to be going well without too much difficulty. Radiation itself takes about 10 minutes, so it's actually the hassle of driving all the way to the office for such a short thing - EVERY DAY - that's the biggest struggle. Especially now that school has started and all of our drivers are busy running all over the city. 

Because school has started, we're back to listening to our "theology class" on the way to school with the boys. On the first day, we listened to a repeat that we'd missed and it was all on the topic of FEAR. It was so beautiful to Shawn and I that he said I should add it to the blog. So...here it goes. 

 Catholic Sprouts

I'm still believing, still trusting, still working to stay here. But keeping my eyes on heaven as well. 

Good Days

 I met with my oncologist, Dr. NP on Thursday and she is very optimistic about this second line of chemo. She has many patients who remain on it for quite a while. When we were speaking, it brought me so much peace and also I pictured Jesus standing behind her because - ultimately - God will decide what happens. 

I am walking with the cane at this point but I think my legs are strong enough that I can walk without it. I was excited to attend our oldest's back to school Mass and picnic and I could walk the stairs to our downstairs to help put the boys to bed. It has been a weekend of big steps so far. 

I did freak myself out at how skinny I've gotten. I didn't realize until I was able to get myself in front of a mirror. 

It made me think of those old TV shows where they finally revealed the girl with anorexia in a mirror.

Lastly, My brother and his wife and her mom all came to stay for about 6 days. It was amazing. 

Chemo #3 update after 1 treatment

 I realize it's been a while since I updated. Mainly, we've been working through the side effects of the new chemo - diarrhea and possible rash. The hits just keep on coming! 

My walking has gotten better as my legs get stronger and I've graduated to a cane from the walker (praise God). I will most likely begin radiation on my right leg soon because if any of the cancer in my joints grows, it will make the surgery void (which would be bad). 

My last IV chemo went pretty well. I was very fatigued but felt ok over all. 

A few of Shawn's colleagues from Houston flew up to have meetings and visit and brought frozen meals to us! What a blessing Shawn's co-workers are! We got a little teary at their generosity. 

Overall, it has been a good two weeks. 

We are gearing up for all three boys to attend "in-person" school over the next two weeks, but I will only believe it when I see it. 

Shawn insisted on the Tebow shirt. Really? 

Changes tomorrow

 Just a very quick post to say that my hip is healing well and Im walking with a cane sometimes, which is nice and better than a walker.

After meeting will all of my doctors, we've mutually decided to change the chemo I am taking. Tomorrow, I will have a 3-hour infusion and I will await any side effects. These will be totally new chemo drugs for me, so I'm off on another adventure. The docs all agreed that I need a stronger dose to get things going.

In a heart/soul sphere, I've been trying to hear the voice of God more than the TV I seem stuck in front of. I am encouraged that everyone agreed on the new chemo and I just trust that everything will work out as it should.

Never A dull MOMENT

Hip surgery went well. Honestly, it went great and was fast and the (different than regular) hospital was nice and the nurses were all in their 30's, so it was calm and enjoyable actually. My parent stayed with the boys, which was great and so we didn't need to worry. I was discharged without any issues on Thursday (just one night). After my last hospital stay, this was nothin' 

Here's me after my surgery! I can eat whatever I want (A Mary Beth Diet Coke cheers!)

Of course, nothing can just run smoothly around here ;) Friday before bed, I began running a temp of 102 degrees (on our little home thermometer - honestly, it never registered that high again). "Over 101" was the direction to return to the hospital. We couldn't get the temp to go down, so we started debating which hospital to go to....the one where Id had surgery an hour away or my "home away from home" Hospital right down the street. 

Eventually, we settled for the emergency room down the street. I wasn't even sure what was wrong at this point, so I wanted to "go where I know. "

Well, after a few hours in the emergency room - where I got a CT scan, a sonogram of my leg and every blood test you can think of- they still couldn't figure out where the infection causing my temp spike was coming from. 

Seriously, this is cancer, my friends. All this weird, unexplained stuff. 

What the ER doctor did decide is that I had to at least stay 24 hours while they grew cultures of any infections in my blood. 

So, I was off to the 8th floor. 

You know the one - I spent 2 months there in March and April? 

Because God is good, my GI specialist was on call and came to see me right away. The nurses recognized me one after the other ("Bridgette! You're back!") and I didn't have a blockage or weird pains...just a fever and explainable leg pain 

Oh, and Shawn could STAY! As long as he wanted. Which turned out to be until about midnight because he really did need some sleep.  But he was able to come back around 7am on Saturday morning and we were able to chat and call doctors to see what everything meant. 

Eventually, Dr N (my GI specialist ) pulled a few strings and got me out on Sunday. There was nothing anyone was doing in the hospital. Fr. Nathan did stop by and say Mass and we were able to chat and discuss what it all means. Because I might need to change my chemo plan again...but we're not sure. I am just so happy to be home and to hang out with my boys and Shawn. plenty of time for meetings about cancer, but I'll keep you posted. 

Jesus, I trust in You.

Hip Surgery Wed

I feel like I've been putting off blogging which makes me sad. The truth is that we've been really busy (cancer busy - not "fun trip" busy). First, I finished up with my left hip radiation. The pain has definitely lessened and we're hoping that the radiation will help kill that cancer.

Wed, July 22, was Shawn and my 20th wedding anniversary. We celebrated with dinner with the boys and by praying the Rosary with me in my pajamas. I had plans of Hawaii and/or Cabo and swimming and dancing. Actually, we were thinking we were going to throw a big party for our family and friends...but my LEAST favorite "C's" (Cancer and Covid) cancelled all of that.

 I also did see the Orthopedic surgeon and he said it was fairly urgent that I have a rod (they say pin, but it's a rod) put into my right femur to keep the bone from fracturing.

Quite frankly, I'm fairly stuck in my house right now because my doctors have said not to use my leg too much and not without a walker (not the cool modern commercial walker, but the old lady silver kind that needs tennis balls).

Praise God that my youngest brother, Tim, came to visit over the weekend:

And Sunday afternoon, my parents officially moved part-time to Denver (3 months on - 3 months off) and another of my brothers, Mike,  helped them drive out and move in to the beautiful tiny house they bought (not a "tiny" tiny house- the actual size of the house). It's been a fairly full house since Sunday and it's so good to have other people here to buffer the emotions and decisions. And Mike is a trainer with a lot of knowledge, so he was able to give a lot of advice and he could also just hang out with Shawn.

Going forward, I have surgery at 7:30am MST on Wed 7/29. The plan is for me to spend one night in the hospital. And - little miracle - Shawn can stay and visit all day. It's pretty great timing. I'm scared it will hurt but we've been praying that it happens quickly if it's God's will. Covid makes scheduling iffy everywhere.

The one beautiful moment we had (I'm going to try and get the video my brother took) was the serious, solemn blessing Fr Nathan gave us for our 20th anniversary. You can only get these blessings on significant anniversaries. It was beautiful.

General Update

It's been about 17 days since I posted...there are a lot of small things happening. First, my MRI showed that my right hip has significant cancer spread and is in danger of fracturing. I see the Orthopedic surgeon on Thursday and he'll most likely recommend that I have a pin put into my hip. Until then, I am using a walker to keep my hip safe.

My 10 sessions of radiation on the left hip are 1/2 way done. There is not much to the radiation in general. So far, I still have pain in the hip, so I hope that the next four sessions take the pain away.  We'll see.

Everything seems to be going well with the new chemo. So far so good, I guess.

We were blessed to have a special guest of sorts in our house...a lovely man here has a giant statue of Mary that was sent to him from St. Pope John Paul II. Karl (the owner) brings the statue to people who need prayer. We prayed the Rosary everyday as a family. It was a blessed week.

As we travel far into the summer and everyone wonders what the fall will bring, we are trusting that God holds the future. We've been enjoying time as a family and short visits from friends we love. My parents will be here soon and Shawn and I have a big anniversary coming.

Also, I've been holding on the the words of Jesus to St. M Faustina
"...the greater the misery of a soul; the greater it's right to my mercy..." 1182
I'm hoping for all of that mercy right now.

2nd chemo drug begins

It has been a special week...ending with our plans to head to the cabin tonight.

Tuesday, I was blessed to be prayed over virtually by a powerful prayer ministry - the Intercessors of the Holy Trinity. I was told that there were 1300 people who viewed the prayer service. Click here if you are interested in the service. Shawn and I sat at home and watched while the leaders called on the Holy Spirit to heal me. Lots of tears and trust.

The next day, I began the second new chemo drug that is a part of my new protocol - and we are trusting that this will be Jesus' vehicle to heal my body. I have to say that my leg is in a great deal of pain and I try to pray against it. We're hoping that this pain comes from the chemo fighting the cancer (this is what happened in the first twelve rounds and the pain went away as the cancer shrank). We have hope because my friend who is also on this protocol had her extreme pain disappear after a few weeks.

I hope and pray that you all have an awesome 4th of July. We'll be at the cabin enjoying some much needed screen-free family time. I hope you all have a great weekend as well.

Day 5 of the new drug protocol

First, thank you for the posts and the messages. You are all so encouraging and I am beyond grateful to have words of hope from new friend, old friends and complete strangers. Welcome into my world of crazy.

I began the new chemo drugs (orally) on Thursday. The only big complication has been that I get fairly sick after taking all 17 drugs (or more depending on the day), so I have added Zofran (an anti-nausea drug) 30 minutes before I take the drugs with milk.  It's only been 5 days, so there are no big changes.

My best news is that my friend/acquaintance who is also on these meds just let me know that there was "TREMENDOUS improvement" in her scans. I do not have details yet but she was very excited. Literally nothing has worked for her up to this point. Only this drug regimen. So I have hope.

I have been trying very hard to pray. Shawn and I are still saying the Rosary every day, but I struggle to talk to Jesus when I feel so bad. But, today I prayed and this was the Psalm read at Mass today:

PSALMS 34:2-9

1I will bless the LORD at all times; his praise shall continually be in my mouth. 2My soul makes its boast in the LORD; let the afflicted hear and be glad. 3O magnify the LORD with me, and let us exalt his name together! 4I sought the LORD, and he answered me, and delivered me from all my fears. 5Look to him, and be radiant; so your faces shall never be ashamed. 6This poor man cried, and the LORD heard him, and saved him out of all his troubles. 7The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him, and delivers them. 8O taste and see that the LORD is good! Happy is the man who takes refuge in him!

...My soul boasts in the Lord; I feel afflicted but I will hear and be glad...I have a message of hope today and I am surrounded by love. 

And to totally change the subject, Just a couple of quick photos of more covid-crazy happening at our house. It's good to laugh sometimes!!

Update a litte late

Thank you for your patience with this update. I've been getting a lot of texts asking how everything is going and so I know that I'm moving a little too slowly with posts.

It's been quite a couple of weeks.

First, I have to let everyone know that my latest scans were "disappointing" (read "not good"). The cancer has grown and spread a bit which means that the chemo that had worked so well all year is no longer working. Sadly, this is what everyone expects when it comes to chemo. But we were still bummed.

Also, a small sadness is that the tiny hole I have in my intestines (hence, the drain) is healing but not healed...so I still have my buddy the drain. Even though it's not draining anything. I have to wait 4 weeks to have it tested again.

So, because of my scan results, Dr. NP (my oncologist) recommended a new type of chemo (there are about 4 lines of chemo total). I didn't have a treatment this week because we've been discussing all of this. Shawn and I immediately started to pray.  I have been praying a novena (9 consecutive days of prayers) to the Sacred Heart of Jesus.

It's another Catholic thing that we believe that Jesus' heart burns with love for the entire world. The image that is used is a heart surrounded by a crown of thorns with flames coming from the top of Jesus' heart. The Sacred Heart has always been incredibly special to me. The idea that Jesus burns with love for me has always given me hope. So, it was natural that I would pray the novena leading up to the Feast of the Sacred Heart (that was celebrated last Friday).

On Friday, Shawn and I talked to Dr Cantrell (my repurposed drug oncologist) and he recommended a completely different protocol of chemo drugs that he's been seeing incredible success with his patients. I have an acquaintance who is also working with Dr Cantrell (I recommended him to her) and she has been on this protocol for 11 weeks. I called her to hear what her experience has been. In that time, her pain (that was debilitating) has completely disappeared. She has scans this coming Friday but she - along with a number of Dr C's other patients - feels like she has her life back after starting this regimen.

We decided that I will try Dr Cantrell's regimen first. A major bonus is that these are oral chemo meds I'll be taking and the side effects are way less. No more 6 days of sickness for these two months as we wait and see how it all works.

And if it doesn't work, we have already met with Dr NP and she will still be working with us and meeting with me every two weeks to see what's happening and how everything is going. Dr NP is so humble and open. She expressed her concerns with us but was and is very open to Dr C's protocol. She's actually going to call him to discuss the plan.

Still, I am stepping into the breach and doing something new and different. There is not a lot of data. There are only a few success stories (not any failures, though). It would be wonderful to feel more like I did in December.

We are choosing to trust. Obviously, the entire situation is scary. But we are praying every day and asking for God's Will and trusting that it will be the best. And I'm hoping that my hair will grow back while I take this different chemo.

One year anniversary of diagnosis

I was first diagnosed with cancer on June 14th of last year. So much has happened in the world lately that I can't even say if it's gone quickly or slowly.

I can say how grateful I am to still be alive.

We went to the cabin Sunday. It was really great. Just sitting in the beauty makes me feel closer to God.

This week is incredibly medically busy. I have a PET scan tomorrow to see how everything is working. Wednesday, I have a check of the drain I've been wearing for a few months. Hopefully, what ever was wrong is totally healed and I'll have the drain removed. Thursday, another round of chemo.

Shawn and I have been reflecting on the changes of this one month with my health. I am still working hard to build my strength, but I am doing much better than even a month ago. This gives me hope. I was able to ride a 4-wheeler today and help do some dishes...
So I go that going for me.

Jesus, I trust in You. Mary, please pray for me.

Chemo #15 + 6 days

Thank you, Thank you for all of your prayers!! Thank you for the texts and emails and flowers and a very special book I am starting to read...and thank you to Michelle for this:

The mystery is solved and chemo is definitely causing my nausea. Woo-ee did it not get better this round. And I am a baby, so I complained about it a lot (and cried like said baby) to my husband. But, true to form, after about 6 days, I am feeling better and ate semi-regularly and was able to take all of my meds and walk up the street (such a warrior).

Here's a recent photo of myself. I post this because I am vain and I am not looking great. But I'm smiling and outside (above ground and eating solid food). Also, I just want to attest that almost everything I valued about my pre-cancer life (that was about myself) has turned out to mean nothing to me. I just want to BE HERE. So, here I am. 

I read the most grammatically awkward (but really beautiful in meaning) quote today on the rc daily mediation: 

God the Father is incapable of not desiring what is truly best for us. God is and will always be love.

God is INCAPABLE of desiring anything but the best for us. It is outside of His nature.
Trust me, as I sit here with wonky bowels and spots of cancer in important places with young sons and a husband who desperately loves me, I can think, "How can this be best?" I know that everyone reading this has suffered something that does not seem best...

...but God is and will always be love. I have had to remind myself of this over and over these past six days.

And then something will happen and a tiny prayer is answered - one I only whisper. I'll see (or speak to) an old friend and they will remind me that I am an incredibly blessed woman. I'll read a post on social media and feel sorry for someone else. Me. the woman with stage 4 cancer. And I'll realize that I have come to desire only what is truly best for these friends and semi-strangers who I barely know.

I'm just glad I don't need to decide what that is.

God is and will always be love.

And now I need to go help discipline my children who continue in the COVID-lockdown crazy,

Back to chemo tomorrow

First, Thank you everyone for the outpouring of love and support and prayers I've been receiving. I am teary eyed every time I read a text or email or IM. I just thank God for the people who surround me even if we don't really know each other.

It helps more than I can say as I prepare for chemo tomorrow.

I will most likely not post for the next 4 or 5 days but I will know that you are praying and that I have a firm hope.

It is such a strange tine right now in our world. But I have experienced a great outpouring of love. Thank you so much and talk soon,

B

Update - chemo #3/14

"Surrender is true love. The more we surrender, the more we love God and souls...There is no limit to God's love." Mother Teresa

This was the theme of my prayer today. I will say it's been hard to start fighting all over again - tough to take walks (I make it up our street now) - tough to eat when I have no real appetite. I weigh 146 lbs now - a full 20 lbs less than this date last year. I never had a working GI tract during my last 12 rounds of chemo...and I've been surprised at how nauseas I've been after the last 2 chemo treatments. If you know me at all, you know I have a major aversion to vomit. Sadly, I've become a major "vomit-er" and think it might even be my brain rebelling on me.

And it's been equally hard to return to anything like my previous (to the hospital stay) prayer life. I feel as though I am stumbling through a limbo period. I want to hope. I want to trust. I want to believe with my whole heart.

I realized today that this is my challenge to surrender. That it's not some major act of my will. Surrender is accepting that I can't do any of what I listed. It just doesn't come. Not right now.

So I sit through my prayer times and I cry. And I remember that Mother Teresa didn't hear God's voice for many years. But all of those miracles still happened when she asked because she must have just closed her eyes and said, "God will take care of it." And she kept living the life He had asked her to live years before His silence.

I still have a big life even in this ridiculous pandemic.

As life slowly starts to open and our country experiences tragedy after tragedy (God bless the soul of George Floyd and bring peace and justice for his family), I will continue to pray and to cry out that I understand that there truly is no limit to God's love. And that will be enough.

 

Radiation

"I have never heard [God] speak, but I feel that he is in me, that at every moment he is guiding me, inspiring me with what I should say or do. Just when I need it I discover lights that I had not seen before. It is not usually during my prayer that they are most abundant but rather amidst my daily occupations."  St. Therese of Lisieux 

Today I had an appointment with a radiologist. Because of the pain in my hip (the spread), my oncologist recommended I have a consultation with the doctor who would perform the radiation. Shawn and I were able to both meet with her - even in this time of quarantine - which was one of our prayers. The other prayer was that we would know what to do about the radiation. We didn't really understand it or what the point was.

It is interesting to me that radiation is mainly (almost entirely) for pain management. At least, that is the only reason I would be receiving radiation. I do have considerable pain in my hip, but I am hoping (and it happened before) that the chemo will both stop the spread and dull the pain.

What was hopeful for me is that the radiologist agreed with me that I should go through this next treatment of chemo and see what happens. "There is no rush to radiation" was the direct quote. Also, the doctor said, "It's important for me to see the patient and looking at you, I would only plan on one treatment of radiation. Looking at your history of these last few months, I am surprised at how great you look."

Since hearing that my cancer is more aggressive than anyone thought, we have been fighting the only way we know how. We are praying harder than we ever have, I've started all of the repurposed drugs again and I've been walking daily and reaching out to friends. My dear friend, Father Nathan, told me to remember that it's the devil who tries to keep us separate and so I'm trying my best to remember how I'm "surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses." My sweet boys and Shawn and being wonderful and I'm slowly connecting to people outside our little circle.

It was a light to me to have such a good meeting with the radiologist today. I know God was there. I am also challenging myself every morning to have 15 minutes of silence where I just sit with God. I am live-streaming Adoration to do this, but I think it can work in any context.

Because I want to trust like Therese of Lisieux. I need guidance and inspiration...now more than ever.

Scan and sickness updates and the End of School

Our eldest finishes Elementary school today - last day of classroom instruction for 8th graders at his school. We are all pretty excited about it and especially, D. It is so strange not to know what the fall holds and how the beginning of High School might be for him.

Stupid pandemic. I don't know about you, but I'm done with this whole thing.

Late posting of my last GI scan results: it looks like my GI tract is healing - PRAISE GOD - and I can now eat real foods and use my bottom like regular people. I mean, seriously, PRAISE GOD. I am still on the evening liquid nutrition and an every-8-hour IV which I receive through a pick line. Pick lines are similar to ports and everything that is administered goes straight into my blood stream. Shawn is responsible for connecting all of these things. We pray every night that we are almost done with my extra attachments.

A healthy GI also means I was able to have chemo last Thursday. Sadly, in the time it took to heal, most of my cancer has returned. Not the rectal tumor, ironically and gladly. A girl can only talk about her rectum so much. But that hip met (spread) has become a real problem. Please pray (or send positive thoughts) that my chemo can catch up with the cancer.  The chemo worked powerfully for me the last time, so there is still a lot of hope around here. I have also begun the repurposed medicine again which should work powerfully with the chemo.

Simultaneously, Shawn and I (and often our boys) pray the Rosary daily for my healing. I live-stream the prayer ministry of the Intercessors of the Holy Trinity on Tuesday nights. I have begun the Surrender Novena again because we believe that Jesus can heal me totally. I am not the kind of girl who can say that this means He will, because I know that people die. But He can and I will beg that He Does so that I can stay here with my boys and the Love of my Heart.

In all of this, I am most grateful to be at home and to be in a place that I am loved and cared for so well. I wish we could travel and spend time with the people we miss so much. We miss our extended families. We miss our friends.

We are praying for everyone who reads the blog and I beg you to pray for me and our family. God is Good and Loves us. Jesus, I trust in You.

A Busy week of medical action

I can't believe that it's already Tuesday. Time flies quickly When you're sitting around in your pajamas and not eating :)

But this week is ramping up. I had a tele-appointment with my GI doctor on Monday. Shawn says that he was very positive, but it's hard for me to interpret anything at this point. My home health nurse came today to take blood and vitals. She is wonderful and chatty and I really appreciate when she is here. Of course, I love my full-time nurse, Shawn, even more.

Tomorrow (Wed) I have yet another CT (ie: CAT) scan. This scan will hopefully say that I do not have any more internal "leaking" and will perhaps be able to eat a liquid diet. Worst case, I will get a third drain if there are any pockets of fluid where they aren't supposed to be.

In either case, I have chemo on Thursday. I'm honestly not sure how my body will do with all of these tests and treatments.

I totally appreciate the prayers and everyone who has reached out with encouragement.

This entire experience has opened my heart so much more to people who are struggling/suffering and who also find it hard to trust God. That has been my only prayer, that I can trust God and believe that His love is bigger than all of this. It's scary and sometimes painful...but I am choosing Trust.

Thank you for your prayers in advance (TIA, like the kids say).

Home

I am not sure too many people are still reading this blog and the seeming saga of my hospitalizations. Thank you for checking and for reading what seems to be a broken record of health issues.

I was finally released from the hospital this last time on Friday, the 24th. I haven't counted and reviewed but I think I was in the hospital for 15 days total. The pandemic went on around me but I haven't been too much a part of it. Or my boys' homeschooling, or cooking or baking. It has been the strangest time of my entire life.

I have been assured that my body is having what are considered "normal" complications. These complications would be "waited out" and "watched" until they were better in most healthy people. Sadly, because I have cancer, I am not considered healthy and the doctors are working quickly to enable me to get back to chemo. So I have a strange existence right now.

I cannot eat any food so that my digestive system rests. This means that I have large bags of liquid nutrition connected through an IV (pic line) that are my nutrition for the day. I am only connected to the bag for 12 hours at night (Nurse Shawn takes care of all of this, by the way) and I am starving but the rumor is that this decreases as my body gets used to not eating. The last timeline for how long this will go is 6 weeks...but I'm not sure.

I have an IV antibiotic that I take once a day. I have two drains placed inside my body to get rid of anything that could cause a blockage or abscess. There is a chance I will get a third drain next week. This is all to make sure I don't have to go back to the hospital for more surgery.

And I have to walk 40-50 minutes a day to make sure everything is working properly.

I go back to chemo next Thursday - most likely 1/2 strength chemo as they test my body's resilience.

Right now, our lives are telemedicine appointments, a few returns to the hospital (for tests) or my GI doctor's office and negotiating our boys' behavior as they grow slowly more and more sick of each other.

Through it all, it has been Shawn who is our rock in this situation. He leads our prayers every morning. He remains so incredibly positive through every appointment and change. He does everything. I am so grateful for him and can't believe what a gift he is.

Staying a bit longer

I will be staying in the hospital for a few more days. The doctor had me get another CT scan this morning to make sure that everything is working correctly. It’s going a bit more slowly than the doctor wants. So, I’ll be here at least another day.

Please pray. I miss Shawn and the boys so much it hurts.

More tomorrow if I hear more.

Jesus I trust in you.

Still here - Courage!!

I think that could be the name of a song for BOTH this pandemic and my stay in the hospital - “still here.” Go ahead, rock stars, write a song that we can listen to after all of this.

So, I’m still in the hospital, still blogging from my little phone. But rest assured that I feel 100% better if I’m communicating at all! This third surgery (I’ve heard a lot of “third times the charm!”- this surgery recovery has been  totally different from the last two. I feel like myself. I’m strong in my (painful) walks and things are “coming on line” a bit faster. I’ll still be here until Monday, but that’s better than all week! And mainly because my doctor wants me on solid foods before I leave.

The nurses and I were already friendly...now I’m like their “hospital mother” and they come in to chat about life. It’s all the same nurses and I’m on the same general surgery floor, so it’s a bit deja vu-y.  I am still trying to figure out what to send them all after I’m out. They work so hard on “the non-covid” patients, they deserve a lot.

Thank you all for your prayers during this. I really can tell I’ve got some heavy-hitting prayers going up this time. It’s a totally different experience physically even as it’s exactly the same in every other aspect. I trust that this is it. I trust I’ll get back to my boys and my life.

Maybe just in time for the governor to reinstate play dates. My boys could REALLY use a play date that doesn’t involve a game on a screen.

Back in the hospital (surgery 3)

Well...I’m Back in the hospital until-at least, Monday. I’m typin on my small phone, so please bear with me. This week had another ramping up of weird symptoms, so Dr Nandi had to go back in to see what was wrong.

Part of me thinks I’m going to spend more than 1/2 of this quarantine in th hospital! How I miss my friends and family.  But especially Shawn and my boys.

I think we’re all praying/hoping this will all be  over soon. My prayer is no different-that I start to feel normal ASAP.

Jesus, I trust in you. Your will is always best, even when I don’t understand.

Ps be happy to be with your kids and that you can eat Easter candy and pantry food. I haven’t been able to eat regular food for almost a month.

I was in the hospital for 7 days...or "where I've been"

So, 15 days ago I wrote that I was fine. I was recouping from my surgery and getting good advice from doctors and some nurse friends. But then I started vomiting - like - projectile vomiting and I couldn't sleep or get comfortable. Eventually, Shawn called my GI guy and he said to go to the emergency room.  Yes, here I was on Wednesday morning hearing that I should (as a cancer patient) not go anywhere near a hospital, and I'm sitting in a room in the ER getting ready for a PET scan.

I'm pretty sure I went in April 1st. The best of all Fool's Days.

It turns out that the Pet scan area is the hot place in the hospital - this is how they diagnose pneumonia, I think. You can click on this picture and see the nurses very geared up for against covid.

From my scan, we found out that I had an abscess and needed emergency surgery to repair the blockage I'd developed from my previous surgery. My doctor was hoping that it could all be laparoscopic - that little robot surgery - but once he began, he realized that he would have to open me up and the surgery took 3 hours.

It was pretty awful.

But the worst part was being totally alone. Shawn couldn't stay or help or even come to visit. It was just me and the nurses (sweet, sweet girls).

I was in the hospital until yesterday. We all had to wear masks and it was a big, open ghost town waiting for all of the Covid patients that were promised to come. It wasn't scary, but it was really, really, strange.

Now, I am incredibly grateful to be home and I'm working hard to recover so that I can go back to chemo. Because Cancer always follows.