"You have a mass..." Cancer Begins

First, I apologize that for many people, this impersonal, public blog will be the only way I can effectively communicate this sudden journey with my unexpected cancer. I am blessed to have so many people to tell while sad that I don't have any time to speak personally with everyone. Know that I am eternally grateful that you care. I can feel those of you praying and I will try and answer emails and comments when I can.

The beginning of my story (keeping it "short and sweet" for Liz ;). This may be gross or graphic for some (warning, it is rectal cancer and it will not be pretty. Thank you, Jesus, for this humility) -

Around September of 2018, I starting having blood in my stools. It's gross and embarrassing so I only discussed it with a few people. I was still working out, eating well and felt great, so I thought it was early menopause. I went to see my GP doctor in November and she diagnosed hemorrhoids. I went to see a hemorrhoid doctor, and he treated them and I thought all was well. In December, I began feeling very constipated (see? still gross) and this wasn't ever a problem I'd had before, so I ignored it and decided to change my diet a bit.  In January, I did the diet Whole30, which is basically just eating meat and vegetables for 30 days. No dairy, sugar or anything processed. I felt a bit better and got rid of the more "gassy" symptoms I'd also been experiencing. I still didn't feel 100%, but my overall health was good. In February, I started eating regularly and the pain returned. By March, I was pretty sure something was really wrong with my tail end. I went back to my GP (my main doctor) and she ran blood tests. They were fine (except I'm about 20 lbs overweight, which actually directed us away from cancer as "significant weight loss" is usually an early sign. Hooray for fat!! ha.ha.). I also returned to the hemorrhoid doctor and he gave me a second treatment. Because I had never had hemorrhoids (even pregnant), I had no idea that the extreme pain I was experiencing was not just a symptom of those little buggers.

My third trip to the hemorrhoid doc was the first week of June 2019 and I finally said, "I never feel ok. I can barely stand after 5:00pm." He was surprised by this and gave a more significant (ouch!) exam. And, he found a mass in my rectum.

The next day, I saw a colon specialist (yeah, Dr. N!) and he took about 5 minutes to examine me. He knew right away and sat Shawn and I down and said, "There is no easy way to tell you both, but this is definitely cancer. You have a tumor and we will need to run some tests to see if it has spread."

I have spent the last week having those tests.  Specifically, a CT scan and my first colonoscopy (really the best way to diagnose colorectal cancer and not recommended until 50 - I'm 49). The results are a strange limbo where I have a tiny (1cm) spot in the middle of my liver and "numerous" tiny (2mm-7mm) spots on my lungs. None of these can be biopsied. I will have an MRI to diagnose the liver spot (they suspect it is a blood clot and not cancer) and my doctors are now in big discussions about how to diagnose the lung "nodules" as they can be cancer or nothing, and that will make a big difference for my prognosis.

Regardless, they must treat my cancer as Stage 4 until proven otherwise and we have a meeting with my doctor(s) today to finalize a treatment plan. The rough outline is that I will have a major colon surgery next week (an iliostomy - please look it up if interested) and begin chemotherapy a week or two later.

I will not philosophize in this post because it's intended to be "just the facts, ma'am." But we are in good spirits overall. I believe, trust, hope in and love God and will continue to believe whether it's inconvenient or people think I'm crazy. I would ask that you reach out through email or through Shawn. I do not process well discussing things too much (I'm sorry) and I still have 3 young boys to raise and rejoice in. And baseball and swim team are full time jobs. Lastly, the only time I breakdown is experiencing the overwhelming kindness that is already being lavished on us.

I will commit to updating anytime there is news (because I know you worry) and I will update this afternoon as we meet with the doctors at 3:00 to confirm the plan of treatment.

If you are a person of prayer (and are ok with asking people in heaven to pray for me), please ask for the intercession of Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati, Bl Julia Greely and Bridgette Kelly Sullivan. I'll try to update about that in the coming weeks.

Thanks for reading. Talk later. Bridge