Radiation

"I have never heard [God] speak, but I feel that he is in me, that at every moment he is guiding me, inspiring me with what I should say or do. Just when I need it I discover lights that I had not seen before. It is not usually during my prayer that they are most abundant but rather amidst my daily occupations."  St. Therese of Lisieux 

Today I had an appointment with a radiologist. Because of the pain in my hip (the spread), my oncologist recommended I have a consultation with the doctor who would perform the radiation. Shawn and I were able to both meet with her - even in this time of quarantine - which was one of our prayers. The other prayer was that we would know what to do about the radiation. We didn't really understand it or what the point was.

It is interesting to me that radiation is mainly (almost entirely) for pain management. At least, that is the only reason I would be receiving radiation. I do have considerable pain in my hip, but I am hoping (and it happened before) that the chemo will both stop the spread and dull the pain.

What was hopeful for me is that the radiologist agreed with me that I should go through this next treatment of chemo and see what happens. "There is no rush to radiation" was the direct quote. Also, the doctor said, "It's important for me to see the patient and looking at you, I would only plan on one treatment of radiation. Looking at your history of these last few months, I am surprised at how great you look."

Since hearing that my cancer is more aggressive than anyone thought, we have been fighting the only way we know how. We are praying harder than we ever have, I've started all of the repurposed drugs again and I've been walking daily and reaching out to friends. My dear friend, Father Nathan, told me to remember that it's the devil who tries to keep us separate and so I'm trying my best to remember how I'm "surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses." My sweet boys and Shawn and being wonderful and I'm slowly connecting to people outside our little circle.

It was a light to me to have such a good meeting with the radiologist today. I know God was there. I am also challenging myself every morning to have 15 minutes of silence where I just sit with God. I am live-streaming Adoration to do this, but I think it can work in any context.

Because I want to trust like Therese of Lisieux. I need guidance and inspiration...now more than ever.