My friend, the 3 day 5FU pump

Just a quick post on my friend, the 3 day 5FU (aka: Fluoroucil) pump. For the two days after my initial chemo, I wear this little pump attached to my port (a surgically implanted injection-site in my left shoulder/clavical area.) It doesn't hurt me physically. It's awkward and beeps sometimes (and makes that swoosh sound whenever it pumps the chemo into me).  It's better than lying in a hospital bed somewhere for 2 days (which I'm sure was the old way to do this). We assume that the Fluoroucil must be a powerful drug because it needs to be administered more slowly. I'm pretty sure that this drug is the one that gives me the most side effects because I feel so much better once Shawn removes it every Saturday. 

I carry the pump in a pouch that is basically like a little purse on my left side. This is the first chemo treatment where I've left the house with the pump attached (thank you, swim team practice & a flag football game). Most people don't notice the pump at all...just the long tube attached to it that mysteriously disappears into my shirt. 

The main side effect through all of this is my often-mentioned cold sensitivity (almost entirely in my fingertips). For that, I have taken to wearing these high fashion winter gloves in order to touch anything from the fridge or freezer. The one thing that is the most difficult is cracking eggs, which would be totally gross with gloves on (H has gotten very good at cracking eggs for me).

The sensitivity has gone away within a week for my first 3 chemo treatments, so I'm praying that happens again this week (hoping for Wednesday!)

When I reflect on all of this stuff (which I don't do too much because...life is happening), I almost always turn to one of my most favorite Saints, St. Maria Faustina (the "Mercy" Saint) and her diary (which is my reading obsession - it's around 400 pages with numbered passages and I love it). I read it in my prayer today and found so much assurance in what she wrote: 

569 - O Jesus, my dearest Master, do not abandon me, not even for a moment, Jesus. You know well how weak I am of myself; that is why I know that it is my weakness that forces You to be with me constantly...

I'm too weak to deal with all of this most days, but today, I feel ok and like He's with me. And that helps so much.