Happy Saturdays

It's a happy Saturday here after nearly a week of more difficult chemo side-effects. I think I've hit the space where this s@#* gets real (ha).  

Chemotherapy itself is ok. It's five hours and three days of "the pump"; but there is no real pain that comes during the treatment. I will say that the IV bag of Benadryl pretty much kicks me into a semi-coma...but that's not pain. It's the 5 - now 7 - days after that are my real struggle. It's getting colder here in Colorado (which is intensely beautiful in itself) so my extremities (now including my nose, face, fingers, and feet) tingle painfully with every drop of degree or the blowing wind. I love the fall. I love everything about it...but right now, my body does not. 

More difficult this week has been dehydration. I have the glamorous gift to be able to see all of my bodily output through my colostomy bag (gross-ness alert). Ok, I can't see pee but I think I'm ok with that. I can, however, see my #2's and their consistency. (Spoiler that I'm writing this in all humility because it's a part of cancer that is seriously hard and also embarrassing...and I firmly believe that if I'm going to write the good, I'm going to share the bad too. But skip this if poop talk isn't your thing. Remember that I have 3 boys, so it's de regueur around here). From last Thursday on, my bag has been 100% watery substance. It's not "deadly" but it's not good. 

Along with this has been intense dehydration head aches (that I recognize from hang-overs, ironically) and a general nausea that is similar to morning sickness or stomach flu. It's been a fun week. I'll share all of this with my oncologist when I have my next chemo treatment (this Thurs). But mentally, I hate to even think past Wednesdays, so I'm ok waiting to hear what exciting drug I'll need to take to help all of this next time. 

I have "miracle" days and I have "dark Valley" days. This past Thursday, I felt a good deal better and I felt prayers and hope pull me from the Valley. Seriously, it was like walking on a path out of dark woods into an open, sunny space. 

Friday school pick-up with H reading "Black Beauty," which he loves. 

D had a Friday field trip/Retreat at the Mother Cabrini Shrine 

Friday, our sweet friend, Fr. Nathan Cromly came for dinner and the boys told fart jokes and did bad magic tricks and we all laughed. 

This happy Saturday, we had soccer and flag football and D had some board-game-buddies over to kill each other with figurines like this: 

I don't want to leave out C. These are some shots from a family party last week. I need to take my phone to soccer. 

Just for fun.

I've read a beautiful blog post that explains so fully how I feel lately. It is written by a man named Jim Tierney who is battling brain cancer. His wife (Catholic-famous blogger Kendra Tierney) is due anytime with their 10th baby. It's not too long of a post, but it's beautiful. Click Here to read it (mom).
The post is about detachment and how he struggles with Cancer and possibly leaving his beautiful life and family.

Always now, my response will be the same. I turn to God and ask what He says about it:

"...When she calls to me, I will answer her; 

I will be with her in trouble, 

I will rescue her and honor her

With long life I will satisfy her

and show her my salvation..." 

Ps 91: 15 & 16 (changed pronouns :)

Jesus, I trust in You. Salve Regina.