Mondays after chemo tend to be melancholy around here. I spent the last four days basically asleep (or at a sporting event or Church for an hour or so and then asleep). If there is one most difficult thing for me, it is feeling sick or tired or "down." It's entirely against my nature and can completely flatten my spirits. I entered prayer today just looking at my prayer-space and saying, "You must be here, God, because that's when my spiritual director says you are closest to me...when I can't feel anything at all and I have to just trust." So, I watched a beautiful video of Dodie Osteen (look up "Healed of Cancer") where she explains her total healing from cancer (when she was given only 3 weeks to live - she was 48 when diagnosed and is now in her 80's). The video was something I wouldn't normally watch...it's a much more dramatic expression of faith than is my norm. A lot of "Texas" with accents and some drama. A lot of clapping. But I needed to hear it all today. I needed to be reminded that miracles still happen. They happen all of the time.
And, of course, I turned to my friend St. Maria Faustina (her feast day was on Saturday; but I was asleep). And I thought about the fact that this real woman was writing down her real experiences in the 1930's and that I can read them and ask that my experiences of God be as real.
I read:
622. Jesus gives Himself to the soul in a gentle and sweet manner, and in His depths there is peace. He grants the soul many graces and makes it capable of sharing His eternal thoughts. And frequently, He reveals to it His divine plans.
626. I felt I was in His hand like a little child, and I heard these words in my soul: Do not fear anything, My daughter; all the adversaries will be shattered at My feet.
And some happy pictures of my boys this weekend. Living life to the full.
D is home from DC; C with a buddy watching the Rockies; H (#4) playing flag football.
Thinking of you old friend. Praying for you. Crying with you.
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