First, if you are just looking for an update and no anecdotes, I am fully healed regarding my colostomy and "the bag." I can eat anything, go swimming, and start chemo. Right now, I am scheduled to start chemo Tuesday morning (7/23). I'll post more before then, especially if that changes. But that's what's up for now.
Next, because the last post ended on a bit of a somber note, I wanted to write quickly (dinner is cooking) and briefly explain my meetings with survivors from last week.
I don't want to leave out the first survivor I spoke with, my dear friend, Tom (Tommy all through high school). He's basically a brother of mine - one of my oldest and dearest friends - who is currently surviving "Lymphoma with subtype GCB." Tom was the first person I called after informing my family of my cancer. I wanted to hear from someone "on the other side of the fight" as it were, someone who understood what the cliff looks like when you find yourself standing there. Also, I needed to talk to someone who knows me. Someone who will sing his part of "Don't you want me baby?" every. single. time. and never allow me to feel stupid as our spouses look on with kind humiliation. Tom just said, "I'm so sorry," and then launched into how cancer had changed his life. Always hopeful, always positive, he knew what to say so that I could see the little bridge across the chasm. Some of the things he said still really help. And I do think of calling him when I wake up in a panic at 4am, just like he offered.
Weeks later, after the rabbit hole of internet information, I needed to connect with more people who battled and won. I won't share their personal and inspirational stories in total here. I spoke to two ladies on the phone for over two hours and I had coffee with a survivor who was already a dear friend before either of us was diagnosed. All three of them had such amazing journeys. I will share a list of some of the things they shared:
1) Andrea - currently surviving brain cancer after doctors found a large tumor. She has 10 (yes) children and had to say good-bye to each of them before her initial surgery. She and I spoke for a long time about raising children while fighting cancer...the topic nearest to my heart right now. Andrea has been in "remission" (they don't say that for brain cancer...but basic idea) for 10 years. When I told her I was worried that my life would be all about cancer for years she answered, "At least you'd have that time with your boys." The other comment of hers that sticks with me is "I am so grateful for every small thing."
2) Zoe - 39 years old with a 5 and 8 year old. Zoe was diagnosed with my same (colorectal) cancer at 36. She had 6 rounds of chemo, 60% of her liver removed (it grows back), radiation and then complications to tumor removal that ended up with her having an Ostomy bag (like myself) for 8 weeks. She's a dancer, and exercise instructor. She taught her workout class one day a week throughout her chemo treatments. Incredible. What struck with me was when she said, "Cancer has the power to bring beauty into our life because it is so hard." Zoe had a lot of practical advice for my actual healing journey, which I'll share more in a later post. I was inspired because our stories are very similar...she was Stage IV and she's been cancer free for 2 years.
3) My final survivor (so far) is my friend, Karen. Many people reading this will know her, so I won't share too much except to say that it was so wonderful just to sit outside at the coffee shop and get tears in our eyes when one of us would share. Karen and I share children who are similar ages, teaching as careers, and a deep faith and hope in Christ. I know we'll have many more conversations and all I could think was how happy I was that we had slept near each other as chaperones on the 6th grade Confirmation retreat two years ago. I literally peppered her with questions about her chemotherapy and what it was like to have cancer. She was gracious and honest in her answers then and kind and generous in our conversation two years later as I look over the cancer cliff with her.
These four people show that people are surviving and coming back from the scary places. All of them said it was HARD...but all of them were grateful and saw a renewed sense of purpose in their lives AFTER. I am just so grateful for them. For everyone who has reached out with his or her story (there are more...) Thank you.
Jesus, I trust in You.
A collection of pictures of some of the flowers I've received. They were well-tended by Shawn and my mom while I was recovering. Shawn kept the flowers from R and T on his bedside table. He was really touched, so thank you.
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