Hello All.  This is Shawn again.  Happy Super Bowl Sunday!  A a lifelong Broncos Fan I am completely lost on which team to cheer for today.  Possibly the game can end in a tie?  I think that this picture may capture exactly how many Broncos fans are feeling:

      (Apologies for not figuring out how to rotate the picture)

It has been a month and a bit since Bridgette passed.  The boys and I are doing okay.  They have been in school in person and I started going back into the office last week.  We are walking the balance of getting "back to normal"---truly no such thing for anyone right now, and working through our Grief.  There are ups and downs, but we continue to get up every morning and continue working towards healing.  Through this process, I have had some days that have been quite difficult.  In Bridgette's prayer area I found a small pamphlet that contained the Litany of Trust from the Sisters of Life.  There have been mornings where this is all that I am able to pray.  But even in that small amount of Prayer time, I have found great comfort and wanted to share the prayer with everyone.    

 https://sistersoflife.org/litany-of-trust/

We are also so thankful for all of the support that you all have provided to our family through the nightly Rosary, Masses for Bridgette, Meal Train, and cards/emails/texts with wonderful, heartfelt messages.  Please know that even though I have not responded to hardly any of the cards/emails/texts, I have read every single one.  

We continue the nightly Rosary for Bridgette through her upcoming birthday (This coming Thursday, February 11--Feast Day of Our Lady of Lourdes) with the plan to also continue praying it for any prayer intentions that anyone may have. 

            Topic: Nightly Rosary

Time: 8:15 pm

Join Zoom Meeting 

https://us04web.zoom.us/j/78418512089?pwd=cmxwUG9rK0g1THJ3N1BMR05wV0NCUT09 

Meeting ID: 784 1851 2089 

Passcode: MERCY 

We wish you a great Sunday!--Shawn and the boys. 

Jesus We STILL Trust in You! 

Hello All.  This is Shawn posting.  I am saddened to communicate that Bridgette passed on to be in the arms of Jesus the evening of Monday, December 28, 2020.  There is an ongoing Zoom Rosary Novena.  Details are: 

Topic: Rosary Novena for the Grady Family December 28 to January 5

Time: 8:15 pm

Join Zoom Meeting 

https://us04web.zoom.us/j/78418512089?pwd=cmxwUG9rK0g1THJ3N1BMR05wV0NCUT09 

Meeting ID: 784 1851 2089 

Passcode: MERCY 

We are planning on waiting until the summer (post COVID?!?), to have a Memorial Service so that all that want to attend are able.  Also, the Boys and I have been completely blessed with unbelievable support throughout.  Thank you all so Much!  

Jesus I STILL Trust in You!  

Covid Free

 Last minute report is that my latest Covid test came back NEGATIVE!! All Christmas plans are back on. Thank you for any prayers, they’re working!

Jesus, We trust in you (we for Shawn)

Out of hospital!

 I was released from the hospital last last night - paise God! - and at this point, Shawn, Doris and Samantha have tested negative for Covid so I am off to have a retest at the closest covid testing place now. I will try to repost soon with any extra info. 

Thank you for your prayers.

Obstruction

 Five days with no updates...so I am listing again to keep you up to date. 

-the procedure Dr A ended up doing was completely different than what had been planned. It did help alleviate some of my pain, but it turns out the hip area we were hoping he’d treat was too large for one type of procedure and will need to be treated Monday. 

- my biggest fear going into Dr A was all of the questions around how he would evaluate the drain and how he’d know whether it’s safe to remove or not. Dr A actually agreed and is setting up a consult with a surgeon to help evaluate how we can get it out. The drain is not out but there is light at the end of the tunnel. 

- Friday, I had a blood transfusion and it was supposed to “help immensely” but didn’t seem to do all of that much. My niece arrived to help and keep us company, which was great. 

- over the weekend, we were told to focus on getting my “system regular” which is the story of my life at this point. I was taking numerous laxatives and drinking as much water as my body would stand and eating like crazy. By Sat (last) night around 10pm, I had still not gone, my stomach was bloated and we had spoken to the on-call Envita doctor twice. In the end, he told us to go to the hospital so that I could be evaluated. By 1am, a chest extra, an abdominal CT scan and a number of blood tests later, it turns out I have: an abdominal blockage probably caused by cancer in my GI tract (not sure about size) and COVID. 

So, I have been admitted to the covid ward of the hospital and I’m waiting to see a specialist and my Envita doc (I hope). The best news is they would rather have covid patients go home to recover, so I’m not trapped in here like I thought at first if my vitals stay up. Shawn is sure there is other good news. 

I am not afraid because I am in the shadow of Him Who loves me. Cancer is not great. But I am not alone. 

Jesus, still trusting in You. 

Better Days Ahead!

 This will be a speedy post to ask for prayers and love and to hear the news that things are going well. We just found out that I will be meeting with Dr.Agah tomorrow and that he will actually be performing the procedures we've been waiting for. 

To give a general impression of what's been going on: I have been getting a lot of answers from my doctors to the myriad of questions I have (I think Shawn and I have all of these questions). First, what have the doctors been doing while I wait for the procedures I have scheduled? Mostly, a lot of infusions (ie: daily IV's through my port). These infusions are filled with nutrients and compounds to fight the fact that my body was starving to death. These nutrients are vital to keeping me alive and I was not able to naturally get them because my body would not eat or would vomit or just avoid any appetite. These IV's have made it possible that I arrived in Arizona at 109lbs and now I am 120lbs (I am weighed every morning).

The hardest part is that there are numerous things my system needs to heal at this point. I still have the cancer that was there at my last scan, but now my body is getting strong enough to fight it again. This is why I am too tired to talk or reach out to people. I am sometimes gettig 6 hours of treatment a day and it's a little war going on inside my 120lb frame (yeah, that was more to write the weight out. Let's be honest). 

Shawn and the people who come to take care of me have the single task to make me eat and to increase my appetite. And it all has to follow certain dietary rules which I will detail in a later post. 

The first procedure I ever had at Envita was a specialized set of testing (blood) that can show what chemotherapy agents or supplements will help my body fight the cancers. This test has been specialized at Envita over 20 years. There is A LOT of debate over how well these specialized tests work and help. I can only say that Shawn and I have chosen to go with these tests to help me. We pray a lot. There is a lot of debate around whether or not this is a good form of decision-making. We've decided to go where our hearts lead (not our feelings, but the little tiny ship that leads our actions from a very deep place inside of us). Neither of us always appreciated following God (or even did it very well) but we truly believe that this is where He is leading us now, so we follow. 

These tests have been leading my doctors to which procedures and IV's I am undertaking. Tomorrow, it will be "cooled radiofrequency (RF) ablation technology. It offers simultaneous, dual-probe radio frequency for treating painful bone tumors". The hope is that this in-patient procedure will allow Dr A to "destroy" the tumor in my hip and therefore, to remove the terrible pain it causes. We will not be certain until tomorrow, but there could be other tumors he might try to attack as well. Recovery time is generally easy and quick and there are not known to be painful side-effects - so no news tomorrow is good news!! 

The procedure closest to my heart tomorrow is connected to what has brought me peace working with Evita. I'm not sure how many people know that I have had a drain in my right side since March/April. The drain was originally placed in case my GI tract was leaking bile into my abdomen - or vice versa. The drain was surgically placed so it would not be easy to remove. I have had this drain checked over the period of the last 8 months through scans and injections and everytime my Denver GI doc decided to leave it in. Lifestyle-wise, the drain does not allow me to shower or swim or go in a hot tub (no submerging). I was striving for a long while to trust in my doctor and that leaving the drain was the best decision for my health. Side-note that nothing has come out of the drain for at least 5 months at this point. 

After my last PET scan, my GI doc said he'd decided to leave the drain. He didn't say how long and he didn't say why. It was, for me, a very hopeless feeling because I knew it meant he had decided to leave it "until I die." It might sound like I was just in a bad place, but conversations were definitely beginning to take that tone. It was as if there was too much cancer, so the drain was negligible. 

When I arrived at Envita, the first place my lead nurse checked was the drain. She asked all about it, took samples and found a bacterial infection and was in shock that no one had been moniriting my drain in all the months that I had it (my oncologist simply never looked at it). My doctor here put me on antibiotics and it's being removed tomorrow. I am being treated like a patient again and they are trying to help make me better. It's small - but it was a very important thing for me. 

I had prayed that I would swim with my family before I die. I am not focusing on the dying, but I am excited to swim at least once.

A long post - but a post asking for prayer tomorrow. I'll give an update before Friday and include a few BALD pictures as I finally jumped in and let my hair go. 

I am rejoicing to have a woman here with me (my sis-in-law Doris) because we have been doing all the lotion/body butter/chit chat tihngs that were not Shawn's favorite. He has been home loving up our boys. I miss them, and they all seem so happy loving it up together. 

Please forgive my editing, but I can't fix anything at this moment. 

Jesus, I trust in You. I trust in the Hand of God that loves and moves for us. 

Sometimes, the view from my treatment room at 5:30pm at night.

4 Rough Days...because more poop (ugh) * bad editing alert*

 These last few days have been rough in some strange ways. But I have realized a lot of good things and mainly confirmed that I do not want to live in Arizona. This feeling is based on the fact that  weather is pretty dull (warm and sunny) and all of the buildings look exactly the same.  I miss Colorado. I'm so sad it's snowing and I'm not there. I live-stream KDVR every morning only to watch the world's silliest newscast. I clearly belong in Colorado (in this life). 

I want to give a quick update of what Shawn and I have been up to this week. The days are much more busy than I can explain. I spend hours at the Envita clinic or at scans and x-rays and then I fall asleep dead tired. Of course, the emotions make everything a bit more intense. But, This week, God swept in and a lot was accomplished in a short amount of time.

I don't think it's news that I've been struggling with hip pain that we've been hoping to get rid of ASAP. Envita has a specialist that the office has been badgering to get an appointment for me. The doctor is a GI specialist who works with but not for Envita. He (Dr. Aga) is an interventional radiologist so many of my first needs will be covered by working with him. 

Before I could work with Dr. A, Envita needed to handle or alleviate the excruciating pain in my left hip (but there ar a few other places as well). Envita did a wonderful job of quickly getting me in with the pain specialists who put me on a routine of extended-release morphine along with oxycodone as needed. The first night or so, I felt much better.

 You might not know this...at least I didn't...that opioids make the taker VERY constipated - like immediately. Suddenly, I had terrible bowel pain (yep, back to the colon). I threw up and was really concerned. Shawn and I both were scared because the symptoms seemed so close to what had happened in the spring - before my blockages and surgery and covid. And we're in Arizona where we don't know anyone or hospitals and the thought of surgery brought me (not that I leave much) to my knees.

We began reaching out to everyone at Envita - explaining, asking a million questions. I have a "main nurse" named Alyssa. She is bright and committed and was all over the clinic asking for answers. Envita has this natural laxative-like (no stimulants) that Alyssa highly recommended as did my doctor. Honestly, I wanted to start downing miralax and be done with it. I mean, I'm a mom, I have battled constipation many times and no poop has gotten me yet.

But Alyssa and Dr P were adamant that taking stimulants on top of the opioids would only continue the problem. "You want to get back to normal and this medicine will allow that." Best part of this story is that the medicine's official name is POOP DOC. We had a very serious conversation using the term Poop Doc about 20-40 times. I almost wished someone would bring up my rectum again. 

OK, I'm getting tired and this is getting dull 😉 It turns out my bowel pain was caused by my ignoring my body and not "going" when I needed to. I found this out in the best way possible -last night,  the only people left in the clinic at 5:30pm were myself and the nurses. I was so tired, I just wanted to be done so I ignored the I felt a little sick to my stomach (also similar to potty pain). A sweet nurse came in and asked "how I was feeling." I said I was fine and proceeded to throw up all over myself, the infusion chair, the PEMF mat (I'll explain that later) and the floor. THREE TIMES.

Alyssa came running, my doctor (Dr. P) came running, my patient advocate came running. Shawn drove over quickly. By 6:15, things were being seriously sorted out. I have appointments up the wazoo. God sweptt in and is taking care of everything. 

These people want to keep me alive. They are treating me like a real patient and not someone "on her way out." I can feel it and I would write more, but I'm still exhausted from my two morning x-rays and my afternoon infusions. I will write this weekend. 

I miss my family and everyone in Colorado so much. 

Happy Feast of Our Lady Of Guadalupe tomorrow 

Jesus, I trust in You

What My First Appointment was like...

     I have been chatting with a number of people lately and quickly realized I never posted about what the first treatment appointment at Envita was like. Some of the details are a bit fuzzy because Shawn couldn't sit with me (Covid) and ask his list of questions that would help keep everything straight. 

    Well, I am not sure what the next appointment might bring, but I can quickly run through what happened on this last, long Friday. 

    First, I waited in the waiting room (pictures on yesterday's page) until the nurse who takes my vitals came to get me. We went back into the treatment section of clinic and M--- took my blood pressure, weight and oxygen levels. At the beginning of this appointment, I also met Alyssa, who will be my main Nurse throughout my treatment. Alyssa seems very knowledgeable and was able to help manage the incredible amount of pain I had in my left hip. Quite honestly, I cried openly to her about the fact that I cannot sit at a 90 degree angle for any amount of time without shooting pain. My left hip is now constantly in pain, but Alyssa spoke with the pain management doctor they have on staff and they found some medicine to help. 

    After intros, I was assigned to a room and a seat for the day. These change daily, so who knows where I'll be tomorrow! After getting situated with my bag and charges and lunch bags, Alyssa brought in my list of treatments for the day. I forgot to get a list of all that I had done on Friday, but it was at least six different treatments. 

    "Treatments" tend to be different things injected into my port (it looks exactly like chemo and sometimes will be different chemo agents). Friday, there were a number of different immunotherapies which are formulated to strengthen my immune system while helping to fight the cancer. I will also have different nutrients and vitamins/minerals as well as fluids (normal IV Saline) on different days. Everything is especially formulated for my system and based on my personal blood work in the Envita lab. It's interesting and if I had less pain, I would definitely spend more time researching and writing about it all. 

    It was good to be surrounded by other patients and to ask about their experiences here. There were people being treated for numerous types of cancer as well as Lyme disease. Everyone I have spoken with so far has had great experience of Envita and the doctors and nurses. Listening to people getting ready to go home in the next few weeks gives me so much hope. 

    Friday night, we were so blessed to have a friend from Southern California who was here visiting his Mom come to visit us! He actually had spent some of the afternoon and evening with Shawn. What a blessing from God that He would have a friend here for my social, easily bored and then worried husband! And then I was able to see him for a small time as well. 

    The day and info had gotten me pretty tired and hungry. I was shocked to nearly finish an entire family helping of Pad Thai by myself for dinner. And then I crashed asleep. 

    I slept most of Saturday, but I should have pushed myself a bit more just to get up and move. Today, we've spent more time talking with family and figuring out the next few weeks until Christmas. We're still praying that I get in with the doctor Envita has referred me to who might be able to help with my really difficult pain.     

    Tomorrow, I have a much shorter appointment and we'll see what that brings. Thank you for your prayers, for your love and for offers of help and kindness. Please pray for the normal daily lives of my family which is difficult for all of us right now. I know you don't need to have Cancer to be suffering right now. God loves you. He values you. You are going to make it through. 

Jesus, I Trust in You.

Our friend, Steve! Aka - the person who took all the earlier Montana pics. Missed his wife the entire time!!

Have A Holly Jolly Christmas!!

 Not sure if anyone but me has noticed all of the claymation movies making a resurgence on TV this Christmas.

There have been a lot. I know you needed to hear that!!

I have to take a minute and say that the Oxycodone is taking its toll out of me mentally. Seriously, SAY NO TO DRUGS, KIDS!! I also saw in the news that a teenager overdosed on what she thought was Oxy but her supplier spiked it with something else. It freaked me out.

 The effects on my mind  make it so Shawn has to edit all of my medical info. Also, I just asked him where "The guy from Virginia went." It freaked both of us out.

Now, a quick update of what is going on with my treatment:

Officially, Envita has not started treating me yet. I go through the "new patient" orientation (for lack of a better word) tomorrow at 10am. We were told that it takes about 5 hours. I will also have some treatments during this time.

Yesterday, I had a giant panel of labs done. This included the nurses drawing about 35 vials of blood. A few vials came from an IV they placed and the rest came from my port (which I still have). Obviously, this had a rough effect on my day and night. I'm still working at getting everything rested and out of pain.

The VERY good news is how much I'm eating. I gained 6 lbs as of yesterday. It was pretty exciting.

The general plan looking forward is that I will be here for the next 2 full weeks (until the weekend of 12/18). We are waiting for Envita to schedule a procedure that could signficantly help the pain in my left side. If I weren't in so much pain, I might not push through the scheduling hassles to work it out. But we are praying for a "pain free Christmas with my boys." This might be one of their top prayers - "to have Mommy back." Or, at least able to get around and things. 

That pain procedure is called both osteocool and radio frequency oblation. Sorry that you might have to look those up on your own. I'll explain more when Im about to go through it.

Along  with the pain procedure, I'll have a number of  IV infusions of many of the repurposed drugs I was already taking. They should be quick and the prodedures easy, but I have to do them everyday! I'll try to get some pictures because the rooms are loud and nobody seems to care if you use your phone - they are, of course, obsessed with Covid so Shawn can't come in and talk. That made me sad yesterday.

I think I've gotten the pictures to upload, so I'll try here!

The front waiting room. It's pretty busy and there doesn't seem to be a lot of room to hang out or quiet places to chat.

Me waiting in the waiting room

Shawn also in the waiting room but this is more an excuse to take "info" pictures 

Still hoping and trusting! Trying to kick the pain!! 

Jesus, I trust in You.

My First Arizona Post

 Hi, Everyone!! Shawn and I flew down to Arizona this afternoon, and then checked into our accommodations; then had to find food and groceries and tell the persons resposible for my children that "all is well." 
It's 8:30pm already, and I am SPENT...but I am conscious of the fact that I said I'd blog much more frequently, so I thought I'd make a list of what I am offering from this blog as a starting point to my "FIRST DAY IN ARIZONA." 

• 1st - I will be trying to write every other day but do not know how the treatments will effect me and I will most likely miss more days than I'd want. 

• 2nd - I am trying to figure out how to post pics using this terrible wifi. Praise God it's so warm, I'll have to find a hip, outdoor coffee place ASAP.

• 3rd - I know my writing is a bit different now (you should see my handwriting!). I went through a period of great hopelessness and I feel like my tone reflects this. I would love to find "that wacky writer" again too (and with God's help, I will) 

• 4th - I'm going to post very little about our kids. They are well taken care of and I want them to stay safe while I'm not there. It was gut-wrenching to leave them for even a day. Gut wrenching.

• 5th - Please do not make plans to come to Denver if you'd like to see me personally. If I am accepted for treatment tomorrow, there is a good chance that I won't be home for 4 months or more. I will post this happy detail tomorrow. My boys WILL see me. I would worry, so I post that  😉 

• 6th - I had a very full day today (for ME). It is even really hard to type info right now. I could definitely not share this news a number of times a day. I love you. I'd love to be sitting in a room and laughing and remembering with you/or getting to know you authentically...but I will not be communicating too much except for giving info through this blog. Please don't be hurt or offended. ALL of my energy needs to go into my loving my family and staying alive.

More in a few days (or maybe tomorrow).

Jesus, I trust in You

"Uphill Battle"

 Happy Day After Thanksgiving!! 

We had a nice Thanksgiving with my brother's family, my sister-in-law's sister's family (they live here in Colorado) and my parents (who live down the street). 

It was pretty loud and crazy with NINE kids, so I didn't make it out too long. Shawn and everyone else did a great job of decorating for the evening. We think the boys watched their third Home Alone and they played about 5 hours of hide-and-go-seek. Naturally occurring social distancing.

In my last post, I mentioned that Shawn and I had been researching more alternative cancer therapies. It  is a long story and took a few weeks as we plowed through various doctors, cancer centers and locations. A quick amount of background...There are a number of places that offer a blend of alternative and standard chemotherapies. The most famous of these places are in Germany (where Farrah Fawcet got treatment). There are also some less famous (but successful) centers in Mexico. Only three (we think it's 3) states in the US allow these treatments - Nevada and Arizona were the 2 states where we focused our search since they are relatively close or convenient for us. I do want to mention that most of the work at these centers is not covered by insurance, which makes them pretty expensive. 

After Zoom interviews and some pretty crazy Divine Intervention, We decided to go with a cancer center in Scottsdale, Arizona: Envita 

One of the largest "signs" we received is that my best friend's sister (Sr Meg, a SOLT sister) had heard of the clinic because her best friend (Fr Mark, a SOLT Priest) is friends with one of the clinic's head oncologist/research doctors. Fr. Mark called this doctor and the doctor called us (we had already sent my paperwork) to review my case. 

The doctor said, "You definitely have an uphill battle,  but if we get right on your case, I think we can help." It was both discouraging (but we were starting to get that feeling ourselves) and hopeful. I brought up that "God will do what He wants" and the Doctor immediately said that "I find that people who can trust in God do better and even totally heal." Well, as readers from the beginning will know, the theme of this blog is basically "Jesus I trust in you." Even if I don't always totally feel it, I will push forward and believe.

Practically speaking, what does this all mean? For now, it means that Shawn and I will be flying down to Scottsdale on Nov 30 (yes, on Monday) and we will meet with the doctors on Dec 1. The next day, I will have a number of blood draws and some big testing. I will begin some immunotherapy treatments the next day. It also means I will be updating the blog nearly everyday so that people here in Denver as well as family and friends far away will know what is happening. My sister-in-law will spend the week here with our boys (see picture above). I am so grateful for her (and my brother). 

After this first week, we're not sure what will happen. Our patient advocate said not to make long term plans but they do offer daily care and I will live in Scottsdale for as long as treatment takes. I will keep you updated. 

Again, I hope you had a great Thanksgiving. While I am most thankful for my family (especially Shawn) I'm also thankful that it looks like there is a covid vaccine coming in quickly and I just can't wait for this stupid pandemic to be over.

Talk soon

Jesus, I trust in you.

A pretty boring update :)

 I have been getting a good number of texts and messages from so many wonderful people. That pretty much lets me know that a month is too long for an update on my cancer journey. (FYI, the phrase "cancer journey' strikes me as corny and vastly off-base for what it is...but ce la vie).

So, what is the update? 

Thank God it's pretty boring - or at least generally uneventful. 

First, I am currently on round 8 of the second line of my chemotherapy. I have had one scan and the next is planned for after the holidays. We might schedule it earlier, but I think my oncologist doesn't expect dramatically new results. She says it looks like the cancer is "holding steady" at this point- not better - not worse. I'm just happy to see 2021 in relatively good health. 

So, not a lot is new here. Shawn and I are looking into more alternative therapies to use along with the repurposed drugs I continue to take. I have dialed back on these drugs a bit so I will most likely be ramping up the repurposed drugs as well as looking into "new" things. 

Cancer is a complicated, expensive thing. 

As always, I am relying on prayers...the amazing, uncountable amount of prayers that have been promised. We cry every time someone says, "we're praying." Along with being an embarrassment (poop and conversation-wise), this cancer has been incredibly humbling as we learn to rely on others. 

We have been blessed by my brother and his family who are using their remote learning and work to come and live near us for the month of November. 

I think my next post will be all pictures. I need to take more as I can't find any new pictures to post. 

The kids are all well and all three are still in face-to-face school. It's looking like this might change, but it's been nice for them to have activity during the day.

We are still not sure what we'll be doing for Thanksgiving. 

We definitely don't know what the future holds. We are still trusting in Jesus and Mary and the prayers of friends and family. 

Even as it's boring, I will try to post more for faraway friends. 

Stay safe. 

God is Good

 God is Good. 

I am not going to apologize for the long gaps between posts, even though it's honestly just avoidance on my part. 

Obviously, a lot has been happening with my finishing radiation, restarting chemo and having a Pet scan (last Wednesday). I've also had a lot of visitors which has been exciting and fun. 

But, where do I stand with the cancer? It was a "mixed result" scan. Some places showed the cancer slowing/going but there were some new places where cancer had grown. It was a strange few days as we tried to navigate what that means. Generally, we all think the chemo is working and I will continue on this chemo for at least 4 more treatments (and then a scan). I am generally tired but trying to stay active and eat as much as possible every day. Your prayers and thoughts are very much appreciated. 

With all this being said, it's a little vague where I am. I have seen all my doctors and they are cautiously hopeful. 

I am OK. I am not afraid or freaking out. I'm just working at being alive everyday. But I believe I was made for a life after this...and I believe God is good. 

So we keep trucking. 

And family keeps visiting. We love it!!