Actually Living It

It's been over a full week since my last post. I do understand if you've left/stopped reading as things have really slowed down here. I am recommitting to posting as I move into a more "normal life" with the repurposed drugs. Because normal life is important too. 

As a quick update, I am taking a number of drugs (all listed in a previous post) with the addition of interferon (an antiviral protein) that I take as a shot three days/week. I haven't noticed too many side effects to any of the drugs (although I am struggling with the continued side effects from the chemo). I have started "oncology rehab" to try and regain feeling in my fingers and the soles of my feet. Rehab also requires 20-30 minuets of exercise a day as this will move oxygen and blood throughout my body more quickly and hopefully allow the myelin sheathes around my nerves to repair so that everything I touch and eat does not send an obnoxious tingling sensation throughout my body. I have a positive praise report that the cold sensitivity is gone so ice cream is keeping me sane once again! 

The posts have slowed down lately because life has picked up. We're back to "normal busy" around here and I'm loving it. I will admit to the one difficult side effect of the interferon - I am told that for the first two weeks - it increases fatigue and depression. I can attest to a hazy sadness that has made  daily life difficult. I mean, does anyone want to do laundry and dishes every day? Does anyone want to clean out a pantry or a fridge while trying to decipher what's for dinner? I have noticed that the interferon has set up an emotional "wall" against some of what used to be automatic actions...I just hate them...but I know that many stay-at-home parents and grandparents struggle with these feelings and I try to offer up the struggle in order to help everyone else who is struggling. 

No...you are not the only one who wants to throw school lunches into the trash because your kids are whining about them...you are not the only one who only takes a shower before a school function because "people will talk." I stand in solidarity with you if you are currently ignoring 300+ emails and at least 5 important text messages. We should go find a beach (at least for this next week) and a pitcher of margaritas (I've found that I really like margaritas on the rocks now). 

I want to encourage everyone that January and early February are bleak for almost everyone. That mental illness, depression and sadness (ennui if you're posh) can be just as real suffering as cancer. Don't tell yourself, "It's not cancer, just get over it" (unless that actually helps you). I have both ailments right now and the sadness (whether drug-induced or not) is harder for me at this point than the actual cancer. What helps me is sharing it with my husband (don't roll your eyes...your spouse wants to love you). Shawn has told me to go easy on myself. He got the boys to do the laundry and made dinner during the Super Bowl (nachos...a favorite). Remember that God loves you and is there to listen - and so are the people who love you. And the days are getting longer now, so get some sun. 

Photos of our day-to-day:

 H had a class poetry presentation and then a presentation on the solar system. He and his friend, M, presented on Neptune (the first planet found by using math). This was our first family planet report not on Uranus. I guess we've had enough anuses this year (ha). 

 D and his good friend (also M) and M's little sister auditioned for parts in a local play. D will be "Papa Bear" in Shrek Jr the spring! So exciting!

And C's basketball team had their first win on Saturday with a last minute buzzer-beater. It was exciting and the boys improve every game.

As many of you know (from Facebook), my little God daughter had open heart surgery this last week. C is doing well and we're still praying that her heart beats become regular so that she will not need a pacemaker ti be implanted. She is just a gift to the world...she is a big fighter. If you have a moment to offer a prayer (or a thought), please do!