When there is a long space between posts, it's always because real life has gotten in the way. It's been so wonderful to grocery shop, drop off at school, make dinner every night, struggle through homework and sit through practices. I am struggling a bit with the fact that I can't feel my fingertips (practice typing while you're young, kids!); but it's a true miracle that I've been enjoying folding and schlepping laundry through my house.
Update: In exciting news, I was able to see my GI specialist - the doctor who first diagnosed my tumor - and he preformed another exam of my rectum (will never NOT be embarassing). The doctor saw no signs of a tumor. All he saw was scar tissue, so the tumor is totally gone. This led the doctor to say that his "preference is no surgery on my colon or rectum." I can't explain what an answer to prayer this is. There can be a number of issues with rectal surgery...the worst of which is that my sphinctur just wouldn't work anymore and the ostomy bag could become permanent. While the doctor didn't think this would be an issue, I would still prefer to have all of my organs working and intact in my body.
So, when the doctor said that it is a very real possibility that I might have only a surgery to reverse the bag, I definitely cried with joy. I will have a colonoscopy/biopsy Feb 14 (happy Valentine's Day!) to confirm that even the hidden cancer cells are gone, and then I will know for certain if I can move on to only have the bag-reversal surgery. We are tentatively very excited.
The next update is that I have begun the full protocol of repurposed drugs ordered by Dr. Cantrell. This includes Mon, Wed, and Friday injections of Interferon (definitely click if interested - but suffice it to say that these are the naturally occurring autoimmune proteins all of our bodies make). I have been warned that the first two weeks are the most difficult, as I experience flu-like symptoms for about 12 hours after each injection. I was a wreck on Thurs (until about 11am) after a night of what felt like a "12 hour flu", but I fully believe it will get better. Dr Cantrell says that he believes that the symptoms are signs that the cancer is being attacked and dying (the way every fever acts in our bodies when fighting off illness).
I am entering the period where every decision is more of an informed guess. I keep thinking of it as the "walking on water" period. We are as informed as we can be (Shawn and I) and are making decisions based on the experience of others and my own "best life" choices. Fear is a liar, so I am not afraid. I am hopeful and waiting...and sometimes "Feverish" like the best of Jane Austen's heroines.
What's next? the biopsy 2/14...most likely another scan of some kind to see how it's all working...I visit Nashville again the last week in February...and we will decide on what surgery will be first. I have weekly blood-draws to monitor my basic health and how all of these new medicines are effecting me. I will also do 100's of dishes and piles of laundry (so you know that the glamour has not left my life). And - of course - I turn 50 on Feb. 11.
Through all of this, I struggle with my personality that is very "Go! Go! Go" while my body demands rest and patience. I am grateful that today is the feast of St Francis de Sales, the patron of writers and journalists. He wrote a beautiful devotional called "Introduction to the Devout Life." I have been focusing on his words that:
"...the practice of devotion must be adopted to the strength, to the occupation and to the duties of each one in particular...if it ever works against...anyone's legitimate station and calling, then it is very definitely false devotion...in whatever situation we happen to be, we can and must aspire to the life of perfection..."
So I rest in the fact that I'm doing my best. And that sometimes it's best to do less. Seems to be working so far. Thank you, God.
Grateful for your beautiful posts, thanks to be good for the good news! You remain in our prayers. Much love.
ReplyDelete