It's the Little Things. Even with Cancer.

This morning, I was thinking about how there seems to be such a focus on "changing the world" and "doing something big" in the lives of many people. This was probably on my mind because our oldest is shadowing at another High School and the talk of "where he will go" next year comes up regularly with friends and friends' parents and the general public. How will he "do something big" if he goes to the wrong school? (she says ironically).

Then, after dropping him off at the school, I headed to my weekly "blood draw" at my cancer center (which happens to be in a hospital -- some are not). Most hospitals seem to be in a constant state of renovation and this one is no different. Renovation = terrible parking and crowded parking structures.
As I was driving around in a parking structure too small for my Suburban (ugh), another truck reached the top of the structure and had to turn around because there were no spaces. I pulled in to a handicapped spot and waited my turn to turn around after him. As the truck passed me, the driver shrugged is shoulders and basically made the motion of "no luck." I smiled and waved.

There is something about cancer and chronic illness in general that seems to band fellow sufferers together. I know that it is a shared experience. I know that a heart can grow many sizes larger and becomes especially more sensitive to other people suffering.

I think it's because there becomes a sharp focus on the small things.

Things like the fact that not finding a close parking space doesn't matter. Things like the weather being awful but still being able to walk around and feel it.

A friends' baby "talked" all through Mass this morning. It wasn't quiet or reflective. It was beautiful.

I had to run to the grocery store for the third time in three days because we're out of coffee filters and I need efferdent denture cleanser because my new "retainer wearing" child gags on the taste of his retainer every time he lays down to sleep. After months of not having the energy to run errands, I was so happy to wander through a grocery store looking for random things.

I'm happy to stand around at the schools I have barely seen these past 7 months.

I'm excited to talk to school secretaries and teachers who don't know my name (which has been hard and weird for me).

Shawn was out of town for the night, and I was proud that the boys were all asleep in bed by 9pm (which never happens).

When I finally found a parking space on the street and got to the cancer center, it was funny to laugh at myself when they told me I have a note on my chart that "she's always 10 min late." I was 5 minutes early and the front office clapped for me.

My heart broke a little for one of the men I know from chemo who was there for his infusion. He had such a lost, broken look on his face and none of the other regulars were there. I could only mouth the word, "Hi" and he tried to smile. It's little, but I'll think about my "acquaintance -friend" all day now.

But the nurses were there and squealed when they saw me. They said, "You left without your present after your last chemo!" They had this for me:

All of the nurses and office staff signed it.  And I was able to return $6000 worth of chemo-pump apparatus: 

And they told me to "throw away the bag that held all that stuff" (the pouch I would wear) "you won't need it."

None of these things will effect your day today, but there will be a thousand small moments I will cherish throughout the day. It changes my world and I truly believe it's only these small things that matter.